Selasa, 27 Januari 2015

Guilty Pleasure, Indeed

Aside of doing K-Pop dance covers (it's not something to be really proud of yet I'm telling you ugh), I make memes on a regular basis! Well, guess not that 'regular basis' anymore since I'm a lazy ass to end with .-.

Anyway, here's some of those countless memes I made out of my college mates .-.










 [*Peanuted: dikacangi]






I know I know it looks like I'm a mean b**ch making fun of my own friends like that and that's partially rude so to make it even, I made a meme out of myself in my most embarrassing moment: caught falling asleep at the first college orientation day by the lecturer



That's it now. Guess next time I'll be back~

thanks to the models: @eFanjulian, @vitrihndyni, @_RizalISurur, @nazeliaap, @dickyjp_96
and cameos: EXO, Kris, f(x), BTS, SHINee's Minho, 2PM's Nichkhun, One Direction kk lol



*brb ketawa ampe njungkel*

Love? Human Beings?


 Love IS a simple exact thing
          Human beings ARE the irregular creatures

Sabtu, 03 Januari 2015

Sick By the Edge of Mental Breakdown (Perhaps, MTBD: I)

You read it right. I'm at the edge of mental breakdown.
And maybe, it's the first 'real' outburst of it.
Maybe you'll see the second of it.
And the third of it.
And the fourth.
Until things literally get settled.

People who know me, I guess, already noticed that I post words about me breaking and getting exhausted of life and such nonsense on my social media last night. And when they stumble here, they find me still talking about it. I'm not tryna make myself an attention-bitch to make all people notice how the freaking heck I am doing now. I just need to let things out and give myself a blow. Not a punch in the face, but a wake-up call to myself. I fucking need to get out.

Sorry for the profanities. Didn't I say Imma let things out?

I need to let out all the things that I've been bottling up inside.
I can't believe I'm still sober, it's 0:47 am, and I'm writing this. Completely alive, and I'm surprised that I'm not having a multiple personal disorder despite the mental exhaustion and psychological wars.

Ya heard me.

Let me quote my previous post:
I'm a good liar when I switch the mode on. And oh, I think I'll end up winning Grammy when it comes to acting like my world is full of rainbows and unicorns. (Seriously, people only know me as a chattery kid with overloading sugar-rush and I can't even believe I can keep all my psychological problems to myself for these 18 frigging years of my life). It's actually storms in my brain and thunders in my chest, like hella.

It's true.
Despite the unbelievably bubbly and light-headed image people have known me of, I'm retarded inside. Heart's tainted, soul's broken, mind's crooked. I've been through many things. Well, except a threat of murder and unwanted pregnancy. Wtf why would I get through those, I'm a good citizen. But I've been through social-rejections and financial issues. Being stressed and stretched aren't new for me. I've been living my 18 years of life feeling unwanted, unloved, lonely, and being a burden. There's so many things in my brain to the extent that my head's dizzy and spinning and hurting and hammering. It was worse than worse just to get myself into college and I can't believe kids nowadays can turn down college offers and waste their parents' money. Not only the fee, but my strict parents' permission was hard to get, and I let my dreams slide to get my ass smarter and more helpful to the society. To the nation. To the world. Because I have a mission for the world that is more important than my own childish dream of devouring the art of life.

I can't really reveal the bunch of things that's been literally driving me crazy but..
I'm literally tired of life. As ungrateful as it sounds.

Maybe I'm just tired of typing, debating, thinking, and crying?

I'm tired, as ungrateful as it sounds. I want to give up on life, or have been thinking of it.

I'm aware that others might have bigger problems, but mine is in the stake of my whole life. And I realized that I'm not strong enough.
The noisy Caep you know has a broken Dinda inside.
I'm done. I've faced things. I'm done bottling things inside just so I can behave like what people expect me to be. I already broke my limit. Only my soul's left to break.

I'M SICK OF NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH.
I'M SICK OF GETTING DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS FROM THE DREAMS I BUILT.
I'M SICK OF NOT ALLOWED TO DREAM THAT BEFORE I COULD FLY, I ALREADY FELL DEEP.
I'M SICK OF NOT GIVEN THE OPTIONS TO BE WHAT I WANT TO BE.
I'M SICK OF CRYING BECAUSE LETTING OTHERS KNOW MAKES ME LOOK PATHETIC.
I'M SICK OF HURTING MYSELF BECAUSE MY HEART ALWAYS FEELS SO HEAVY.
I'M SICK THAT PEOPLE CAN'T ACCEPT WHO I AM.
I'M SICK THAT NO ONE'S SENTIMENTALLY FOND OF ME AND EVER MINDS TO UNDERSTAND.
I'M SICK THAT WHATEVER I DO, I NEVER FIT IN.

I wonder if I didn't get mentally bullied and my first friends back then were like these people I have now, maybe life could've been brighter for a longer time.

But then.
Maybe I'm here to help people realize that they are luckier in some way.
That God does the wonders, letting me live now for real reasons.
Maybe, I'm one of a few who can endure longer, although not better.



I need to stop bitching about my life.

Deep inside, I can't be more than thankful knowing that I have people who aren't even related to me by blood but still care about me in sensitive ways.

Renaissance to the Dark Age.
Well, maybe the silver lining is, no matter how I was mentally bullied and psychologically hurt back then, I can have people who got my back in the end. And maybe, perhaps maybe, life will be brighter for a longer time.

To anyone who reads this, thank you. I'm grateful of having you. As cheesy as it sounds, you're a piece of renaissance to my dark age. A ray of sunshine when it gets too cloudy till I can't see myself. I'm more than thankful and I can't thank you enough.
Maybe we're destined to bump into each other to learn what's better and what's worse.
I'll try keeping the bright side of me, so no one needs to regret anything when they look at me.

Maybe I'm a tough cookie. It's tough, but still a cookie anyway. Once you chew, it breaks anyway. But still, there's the word 'tough' up there. I can only hope that I'm strong enough till one day, maybe, I'll look back and leave sad things behind. I'll try to convince myself in that.

WUDDAHELL I CAN'T CRY MY EYES OFF MY FACE IF I MY EYES WENT OFF WHERE COULD I DRAW EYELINERS *trying to make you laugh by acting so full of myself*

This doesn't make sense, does it?
Maybe.

Kamis, 01 Januari 2015

My Eyeliner Speaks It

As what I've said earlier, one of the things I (will try to) devote myself is the art of eyes.
If you're wondering about what it means, it simply means that I'll develop my eyeliner-drawing skills. People know that I'm so fond of eyeliners and it sorta becomes one of my national self-identity (?). I should thank 2014, for it was the time I began to teach myself wearing eyeliner. Ngaha





Lol. Of course it's not that.
Wait, the eyeliner still takes part tho.
My friends have been telling me that I have a face that can't lie. Trust me, I'm a good liar when I switch the mode on. And oh, I think I'll end up winning Grammy when it comes to acting like my world is full of rainbows and unicorns. (Seriously, people only know me as a chattery kid with overloading sugar-rush and I can't even believe I can keep all my psychological problems to myself for these 18 frigging years of my life). It's actually storms in my brain and thunders in my chest, like hella.

Er, back to the topic, a face that can't lie. Hell, I'm also good at displaying the most convincing un-amused face and I'm a master when it comes to honestly showing my annoyance. When I'm exhausted, irritated, pissed off, my face naturally shows it.
Aaaaand what makes me fail to hide that is because of my eyes.....
I decide to teach myself to 'behave with my eyes'.
Then what the hell is the eyeliner doing here?
Haha I know I've been chirping rubbish I'm sorry wait what why do I have to be sorry this is my blog.
Sorry.
Sometimes, I use eyeliners to help me express myself.



Usually, when I draw eyeliners boldly, means I start the day not-so-nicely. And when I'm a lot happier, I'll draw the eyeliner way thinner. Oh, not to the point that I'm not wearing any. See, I've got the Chinese doe-eye with deep double eyelid and since my eyes look so slanted with no glasses, there's no way I'll stroll down the streets with no eyeliner.
Life is cruel.
Aaaaaaanyway.
That also helps me to express myself in some artsy way and I think that's more bearable. I'm the kind of people who tend to rant a lot in a not so elegant manner, ish, this helps me out.
Like for example:
This. I drew this as my reaction towards the Israel-Palestine issue, 20 weeks ago. Instead of speaking with my mouth, I decided to bring it on eyeliners and scarf. Go ahead if you want to think I'm too weird to use these media, and even went much more to draw on my face too, but I just wanted to visualize that I also feel the spilled anger tears and the broken cries.

And also:
My friends told me that my eyes always looked too sharp and scary when I went all-out with my 'creativity' but this is only my expression of

"LOOK AT ME IN THE EYELINER AND SEE IF YOU CAN BEAR GETTING ON MY WAY, YOU PEASANT. DON'T MESS WITH ME. YOU'RE DEALING WITH THE WRONG EYES TODAY SO BACK OFF!!"

Phew. It's just so good to shoo irritating people away without the need to open my mouth.

What? I'm human too, it's human's common thing right....



I don't think this post makes any sense. I should stop here.


find the pics of my eye-doodling (?) here

Me, First Week of College

To commemorate (?) my first semester as a college student (hell yeah I nailed it \m/), I'd like to recall my first week heuheu.
Of course as newbies we were laid back, thinking that the first week must be just a 'warming up' and the main course would begin the week after. But heck, no, by the end of the class, WE WERE TOLD TO REVIEW WHAT THE LECTURER HAD SAID AND TO WRITE OUR EXPECTATIONS OF LIVING AS A COLLEGE STUDENT -WHEN ALL WE DID WAS CHIRPING WITH EACH OTHER ALONG THE CLASS.
Doom.
I was blank and we all were confused to the bottom hahah. So I typed my first post on the academic blog (well we all had to) and here's what I wrote:

Hari pertama saya sebagai mahasiswa diisi dengan mata kuliah Pengantar Hubungan Internasional. Dan pada tatap muka pertama, selain membahas kontrak kuliah, inilah bahasan kami: menjadi mahasiswa.
 Mahasiswa. Apa yang membedakannya dengan siswa?
Banyak pandangan bahwa yang membedakan mahasiswa dan siswa secara sederhana adalah lingkungan yang berbeda dan bagaimana cara mereka berperilaku. Para siswa wajib mematuhi berbagai peraturan yang berlaku di sekolah, sedangkan para mahasiswa terkesan lebih leluasa karena peraturan dalam lingkup perkuliahan tidak sebanyak dan semengikat semasa menjadi siswa. Para mahasiswa sudah cukup dewasa untuk mengatur diri dan perilaku, berbeda dengan saat masih menjadi siswa SMA. Padahal, dengan mulainya kita memiliki keleluasaan yang lebih, datanglah lebih banyak lagi tanggung jawab yang harus kita perhatikan. Tak hanya bertanggung jawab atas diri sendiri, namun tanpa mengabaikan orang-orang di sekitar kita. Menghargai para dosen dan sesama mahasiswa dengan tidak menggunakan telepon genggam saat kuliah, membudayakan kejujuran saat mengisi presensi hadir, dan mendisiplinkan diri dengan menuntaskan berbagai tugas tepat waktu contohnya. Di sinilah kedewasaan mahasiswa dilatih.
Kemudian, apa yang membedakan kami dengan mahasiswa lainnya?

Saya merupakan mahasiswa baru program studi Ilmu Hubungan Internasional, dan program studi ini sendiri berbeda dengan program studi lain. Ilmu Hubungan Internasional dikenal sebagai prodi yang menghargai proses, dan contoh yang paling tampak adalah pembuatan jurnal sebagai bagian pembelajaran. Selain itu, prodi ini 'tidak terarah pasti'. Masyarakat memiliki stereotip bahwa lulusan Ilmu Hubungan Internasional pasti akan memilih berkarier di Kementerian Luar Negeri sebagai diploma, duta, konsulat, dan sebagainya. Padahal, pilihan kami tidak sebatas itu-itu saja. Berbekal berbagai kemampuan soft skills seperti berbicara di depan publik, bernegosiasi, serta berbagai disiplin ilmu yang telah dipelajari, kami bisa memilih untuk menjadi apa nanti. Jurnalis, aktivis, akademisi, hingga praktisi. Kami bisa menjadi global strategist, dan kemampuan akademik bukanlah penunjang tunggal yang mutlak. Kelihaian menulis, berpikir kritis dan logis, berwawasan luas, serta berani mengambil tantangan merupakan beberapa kriteria yang diperlukan. Namun yang utama, kami para mahasiswa Ilmu Hubungan Internasional tidak disiapkan untuk menjadi pengekor layaknya anak-anak bebek mengikuti induknya. Belajar, bekerja keras, dan terus berusaha mengasah kemampuan bukanlah tuntutan; namun kemewahan yang harusnya kami nikmati sebagai mahasiswa sebelum terjun langsung dalam hingar bingar keadaan dunia yang sebenarnya.

Sebagai mahasiswa Ilmu Hubungan Internasional, saya sendiri ingin bisa menerapkan prinsip think globally, act locally selagi saya memiliki berbagai kemewahan ini. Sebelum semua berubah menjadi kewajiban semu, saya harus benar-benar keluar dari kotak yang membatasi saya, bukan sekedar thinking out of the box.

I went back to this and thinking, "Well, if I'd really succeed my major, these all stuffs I wrote better be accomplished."
Aw. Pray for me, guys. Amen.

Hello, 2015! Welcome!

HI! ^^/

I know it's been quite awhile frigging long since the last time I actually posted something on my blog. And heck, I've planned to at least post continuously since 2012 but 2013's business backed me off and 2014... was too busy playing my ass off around asdfghjkl haha lol.

Speaking of new year, people usually come up with the new-year-resolutions sheeeeet and if it's an obligation, then mine is to finish all my 2014 resolutions which were basically the plans I prepared in 2013 after the deep thoughts back in 2012...

*lol again*

WTH NO



HELLO, 2015! WEEEEELCOME!

I know that people usually tend to write, I mean, type things 'catchy' to look smart of wiser (oh come on guys you gotta admit that people do, WE all do!) but I don't think I need to come up with any now. Instead of writing down a wish of list (that'll end up abandoned in the end), I decided to just open myself up and be honest this time.

I've found what I really belong to and I've decided to devote myself to the art of life: the art of laugh, the art of eyes, and the art of words. There's still so much more inside of me and I want to give my all to these inner needs and hunger. That's why I've been paving my way as a self-proclaimed author and a lyricist and when life doesn't get realistic, I rap it out. I move to where the beat brings me and I nod to where the rhyme guides me. I'm becoming mature in the way I keep this kid inside my heart and living my own nature to swag it up no matter what the fuck people say.

Let them love, let them hate.

I'm giving my heart out to anyone who has the heart to live along and I hope you all do.

Let's live a blissful year and dedicate ourselves to the things and people we love and let our faith stay still!

xoxo, C.




ps: I post this on my instagram >> << go check and double tap the posts you like :D

Jumat, 22 November 2013

random macros #1

I was searching for random stuffs on internet and found some crap, so... I'm sorry D.O and Krystal xD

Then I went back and watch random videos and I realized this... xD

And this last one's an old edited one. His face is too pretty for a 29 year-old guy :)))))